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 “Get in there and clean your room/do the dishes/take out the garbage/mow the lawn before I beat you like I was Joe Jackson and Michael missed a step!” was such a common phrase in our household vernacular it caught me off guard that Ultimate Stage Dad Papa Joe has lashed out against allegations that he ever laid a hand on the goose that laid the silver sequined egg:

“The media keep hollering about saying that I beat Michael. That’s not true. You know what this beat started — beat started in the slavery days,” Jackson said. “Where they used to beat the slaves and then they used to torture them. That’s where this beating started. These slave masters, and that’s where that come from. … Now, Michael was never beaten by me. I’ve never beaten at all.”

He doesn’t think forcing a 7 year old into a life of fame is slavery? We all know good and well if Michael had tried to sneak out the house Joe would have gotten an axe from the Big House and lopped off one white sock and black penny loafer Kunte Kinte stylo. He needs to learn to make money himself and not off the backs of his children. He can go sit in a tub of bleach and rent himself out as a Marlon Brando impersonator.